scarcastically | ( fasti inbox )

Supposed to be.

[Couldn't have been worse than the other unhealthy things in his life.]

This is the part where I say I'm honored all over again.

[He'll accept the jug. With a... decidedly small drink from it.]

You'll wear the word out at this rate. It's nothing that big.

[ or maybe it is. it's hard to tell with erik, who appears casual and easy-going but seems murky in the inside, his thought processes hard to decipher. ]

Then I'll find a new one. There's hundreds of them.

[He's not really sure how else he's supposed to express... well. Feeling like he has someone to keep his head on straight. It's too easy to get caught up in everything running through it, without anyone familiar here.]

Because I do mean it. That... I appreciate having you around.

[ appreciation, huh? erik has had that, he imagines. higher-ups who notice the work he does, cut-throat, efficient. lethal in a way they can understand and utilize. they didn't care where he came from, what he felt. and erik didn't mind that. he didn't want the questions or anything more.

didn't he? ]

You'll wear out that one too.

You really think so?

[It's quieter than the last few questions have been. His eyes flicking up to meet Erik's. There's uncertainty behind them, mixed up in all the honesty.]

... Look, if you need me to dial it back, I... I'll give it a shot. [Because? Because schooling himself would be worth it. To keep someone he considers a friend at ease.]

I'm used to being the guy holding everyone up. Kind of hard to quit.

Nah, I've never been someone who needs things dialed down. But you don't look all that confident.

[ devil's advocate to his own feelings, in a way. but that's why he came up here. there's something worming inside erik's dead chest and he's not comfortable with it. ]

Maybe you just need to let it out, man.

Mostly because I know myself. I know I'm probably going to slip up, even when I try and hold back.

[He's just too used to expressing feelings. Like pride and gratitude.]

Think so?

Yeah, man. Reinvent yourself. It's a brave new world.

[ kinda. ]

Why hold yourself back?

Some people take it wrong. Like I'm overbearing.

[He eyes the wine again, for one more drink, before holding it out.]

Out of my element here, and I'd rather not alienate people I trust.

[Meaning you, sir.]

[ erik takes it back, sloshing the wine in the jug. drinking, sex, they're things he enjoys tangentially. little abstract social things he's tacked onto himself to appear more human, more like the rest. because erik knows that he looks like a threat, that his life is a target.

erik's not even his real name. trust is laughable at this point. ]

None of this is our element. But elements collide. Gotta make your own chain reaction.

[On the flip side, Shiro trusts wholeheartedly. Sees the good, the potential, lives to pull it out, to show it to the person who doubts it. His team got that as often as possible.]

[It's second nature to offer it here. To someone who's already bailed him out of a couple unfortunate situations.]

Head in the clouds, and feet on the ground. [There's a wry smile.] Getting grounded. Seems like a reaction to me.

[Maybe they can't do more here than affect the people around them. Maybe that's going to have to be good enough.]

[ erik stills. this is a bad play, he thinks to himself. like tv shows and movies, mood lighting in the air. he can see the signs and he knows it's bad. it's bad because these things don't exist in his periphery. ]

A reaction to what?

[He shrugs a bit. Not really seeing any danger in this. Anything wrong with this.]

Caring what happens to someone?

[Friendship, in other words.]

[ or maybe shiro is just that dense. erik huffs. ]

That's all?

[There is the mental sound of a record scratch.]

... come again?

[ he chuckles. he's an idiot. erik can navigate this. ]

Don't worry 'bout it.

Hey--!

[Well now he's just embarrassed.]

You can't say "that's all". And then "don't worry about it".

Sure I can. What, like there are rules to drinkin'?

[ he's being a little dick here, but he's seeing how far shiro will push. for once, erik seems to have a (slight) emotional leg up. ]

Maybe.

[No, there are not. He can tell something's up but he can't figure out what.]

Come on...

Gotta try harder than that, man.

I brought you wine?

[Shiro you're really bad at this getting information out of people thing.]

[ so bad. erik laughs all the same, a low rich sound. ]

You sure did. Okay, one question.

[It's... downright unfair how nice that laugh is.]

What did you mean by "reaction to what"?

[Since apparently it wasn't what he thought it was.]

[ he shrugs, letting the slope of his shoulders slide into vulnerability. ]

I kinda assumed it was a little more than just. That.

[Please hold. The Paladin you have dialed is processing this information.]

[more than just that. More than friend-- oh. He blinks. He can see the shift in posture. The way the other man just looks different. That was an admittance. And it deserves more than just an "Oh" in response.]

[Is it more than that?]

[You'd have to be blind not to admit the man's attractive. He's bailed him out of a few things already. He's intelligent. He's capable. He has a really nice laugh Shiro wouldn't mind seeing a little more often...]

[Oh.]

Maybe it is.

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