scarcastically | ( fasti inbox )

You really think so?

[It's quieter than the last few questions have been. His eyes flicking up to meet Erik's. There's uncertainty behind them, mixed up in all the honesty.]

... Look, if you need me to dial it back, I... I'll give it a shot. [Because? Because schooling himself would be worth it. To keep someone he considers a friend at ease.]

I'm used to being the guy holding everyone up. Kind of hard to quit.

Nah, I've never been someone who needs things dialed down. But you don't look all that confident.

[ devil's advocate to his own feelings, in a way. but that's why he came up here. there's something worming inside erik's dead chest and he's not comfortable with it. ]

Maybe you just need to let it out, man.

Mostly because I know myself. I know I'm probably going to slip up, even when I try and hold back.

[He's just too used to expressing feelings. Like pride and gratitude.]

Think so?

Yeah, man. Reinvent yourself. It's a brave new world.

[ kinda. ]

Why hold yourself back?

Some people take it wrong. Like I'm overbearing.

[He eyes the wine again, for one more drink, before holding it out.]

Out of my element here, and I'd rather not alienate people I trust.

[Meaning you, sir.]

[ erik takes it back, sloshing the wine in the jug. drinking, sex, they're things he enjoys tangentially. little abstract social things he's tacked onto himself to appear more human, more like the rest. because erik knows that he looks like a threat, that his life is a target.

erik's not even his real name. trust is laughable at this point. ]

None of this is our element. But elements collide. Gotta make your own chain reaction.

[On the flip side, Shiro trusts wholeheartedly. Sees the good, the potential, lives to pull it out, to show it to the person who doubts it. His team got that as often as possible.]

[It's second nature to offer it here. To someone who's already bailed him out of a couple unfortunate situations.]

Head in the clouds, and feet on the ground. [There's a wry smile.] Getting grounded. Seems like a reaction to me.

[Maybe they can't do more here than affect the people around them. Maybe that's going to have to be good enough.]

[ erik stills. this is a bad play, he thinks to himself. like tv shows and movies, mood lighting in the air. he can see the signs and he knows it's bad. it's bad because these things don't exist in his periphery. ]

A reaction to what?

[He shrugs a bit. Not really seeing any danger in this. Anything wrong with this.]

Caring what happens to someone?

[Friendship, in other words.]

[ or maybe shiro is just that dense. erik huffs. ]

That's all?

[There is the mental sound of a record scratch.]

... come again?

[ he chuckles. he's an idiot. erik can navigate this. ]

Don't worry 'bout it.

Hey--!

[Well now he's just embarrassed.]

You can't say "that's all". And then "don't worry about it".

Sure I can. What, like there are rules to drinkin'?

[ he's being a little dick here, but he's seeing how far shiro will push. for once, erik seems to have a (slight) emotional leg up. ]

Maybe.

[No, there are not. He can tell something's up but he can't figure out what.]

Come on...

Gotta try harder than that, man.

I brought you wine?

[Shiro you're really bad at this getting information out of people thing.]

[ so bad. erik laughs all the same, a low rich sound. ]

You sure did. Okay, one question.

[It's... downright unfair how nice that laugh is.]

What did you mean by "reaction to what"?

[Since apparently it wasn't what he thought it was.]

[ he shrugs, letting the slope of his shoulders slide into vulnerability. ]

I kinda assumed it was a little more than just. That.

[Please hold. The Paladin you have dialed is processing this information.]

[more than just that. More than friend-- oh. He blinks. He can see the shift in posture. The way the other man just looks different. That was an admittance. And it deserves more than just an "Oh" in response.]

[Is it more than that?]

[You'd have to be blind not to admit the man's attractive. He's bailed him out of a few things already. He's intelligent. He's capable. He has a really nice laugh Shiro wouldn't mind seeing a little more often...]

[Oh.]

Maybe it is.

[ he snorts slightly. maybe has him irritated, on the edge. maybe is for waffling, for bailing. maybe is for little boys, waiting to be picked up and saved, polished for the world. maybes won't do for erik. he doesn't get cold feet, he jumps in or he walks away.

because that's all he knows. there is no middle ground in his heart, no divisible lines. he doesn't blame shiro, but the burn flares across his chest. but to his credit, erik doesn't take it out on him. it's normal. it's how people who grew up with time in their hands feel. for erik, it's nothing but sand. ]

I can't wait that long. Hell, I don't even know how long I'll be here for.

[He almost asks, in that beat of quiet -- if that's a problem. If it's a problem there's that feeling of attraction. Almost says he's willing to back off or whatever necessary, if need be.]

[That's not what's said.]

[He ends up pushing his hands through his hair. Working out the answer through tangled strands of what he remembers. How things crashed and burned because -- well, because of him, really. It's been so long since then. He's... not the same anymore.]

You want something more?

[ erik fires that back. ]

Don't you? How long are you just gonna keep dancin' around, Shiro?

[Don't you?]

[The thoughts in his head from the last festival come racing back. Every time he'd sat there thinking how much he wanted to feel human again. How long it had been since anyone was close to him. Touched him. Wanted something from him that wasn't anything the Black Paladin or the Kerberos Pilot could give.]

[Something that was just Shiro. The guy who didn't know when to quit.]

[And it's here again. Staring him in the face across the room.]

I -- [The word "think" is almost on his lips.] -- I've wanted it for a while.

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