scarcastically | ( fasti inbox )

Some people take it wrong. Like I'm overbearing.

[He eyes the wine again, for one more drink, before holding it out.]

Out of my element here, and I'd rather not alienate people I trust.

[Meaning you, sir.]

[ erik takes it back, sloshing the wine in the jug. drinking, sex, they're things he enjoys tangentially. little abstract social things he's tacked onto himself to appear more human, more like the rest. because erik knows that he looks like a threat, that his life is a target.

erik's not even his real name. trust is laughable at this point. ]

None of this is our element. But elements collide. Gotta make your own chain reaction.

[On the flip side, Shiro trusts wholeheartedly. Sees the good, the potential, lives to pull it out, to show it to the person who doubts it. His team got that as often as possible.]

[It's second nature to offer it here. To someone who's already bailed him out of a couple unfortunate situations.]

Head in the clouds, and feet on the ground. [There's a wry smile.] Getting grounded. Seems like a reaction to me.

[Maybe they can't do more here than affect the people around them. Maybe that's going to have to be good enough.]

[ erik stills. this is a bad play, he thinks to himself. like tv shows and movies, mood lighting in the air. he can see the signs and he knows it's bad. it's bad because these things don't exist in his periphery. ]

A reaction to what?

[He shrugs a bit. Not really seeing any danger in this. Anything wrong with this.]

Caring what happens to someone?

[Friendship, in other words.]

[ or maybe shiro is just that dense. erik huffs. ]

That's all?

[There is the mental sound of a record scratch.]

... come again?

[ he chuckles. he's an idiot. erik can navigate this. ]

Don't worry 'bout it.

Hey--!

[Well now he's just embarrassed.]

You can't say "that's all". And then "don't worry about it".

Sure I can. What, like there are rules to drinkin'?

[ he's being a little dick here, but he's seeing how far shiro will push. for once, erik seems to have a (slight) emotional leg up. ]

Maybe.

[No, there are not. He can tell something's up but he can't figure out what.]

Come on...

Gotta try harder than that, man.

I brought you wine?

[Shiro you're really bad at this getting information out of people thing.]

[ so bad. erik laughs all the same, a low rich sound. ]

You sure did. Okay, one question.

[It's... downright unfair how nice that laugh is.]

What did you mean by "reaction to what"?

[Since apparently it wasn't what he thought it was.]

[ he shrugs, letting the slope of his shoulders slide into vulnerability. ]

I kinda assumed it was a little more than just. That.

[Please hold. The Paladin you have dialed is processing this information.]

[more than just that. More than friend-- oh. He blinks. He can see the shift in posture. The way the other man just looks different. That was an admittance. And it deserves more than just an "Oh" in response.]

[Is it more than that?]

[You'd have to be blind not to admit the man's attractive. He's bailed him out of a few things already. He's intelligent. He's capable. He has a really nice laugh Shiro wouldn't mind seeing a little more often...]

[Oh.]

Maybe it is.

[ he snorts slightly. maybe has him irritated, on the edge. maybe is for waffling, for bailing. maybe is for little boys, waiting to be picked up and saved, polished for the world. maybes won't do for erik. he doesn't get cold feet, he jumps in or he walks away.

because that's all he knows. there is no middle ground in his heart, no divisible lines. he doesn't blame shiro, but the burn flares across his chest. but to his credit, erik doesn't take it out on him. it's normal. it's how people who grew up with time in their hands feel. for erik, it's nothing but sand. ]

I can't wait that long. Hell, I don't even know how long I'll be here for.

[He almost asks, in that beat of quiet -- if that's a problem. If it's a problem there's that feeling of attraction. Almost says he's willing to back off or whatever necessary, if need be.]

[That's not what's said.]

[He ends up pushing his hands through his hair. Working out the answer through tangled strands of what he remembers. How things crashed and burned because -- well, because of him, really. It's been so long since then. He's... not the same anymore.]

You want something more?

[ erik fires that back. ]

Don't you? How long are you just gonna keep dancin' around, Shiro?

[Don't you?]

[The thoughts in his head from the last festival come racing back. Every time he'd sat there thinking how much he wanted to feel human again. How long it had been since anyone was close to him. Touched him. Wanted something from him that wasn't anything the Black Paladin or the Kerberos Pilot could give.]

[Something that was just Shiro. The guy who didn't know when to quit.]

[And it's here again. Staring him in the face across the room.]

I -- [The word "think" is almost on his lips.] -- I've wanted it for a while.

[ erik doesn't say anything. the jug in his hand sways in his grip, the only sound is the wine rushing back and forth. then he makes a disgruntled sound at the back of his throat. ]

Fuck it.

[ he tosses the jug aside, reaching out to grasp shiro, warm fingers around his neck and dragging him close for a kiss. ]

[He's a bit startled when Erik suddenly moves. But nothing more. He already trusts him here. He figures it's a "fuck it" in terms of leaving. That sort of thing.]

[But it's not.]

[It's really, really not.]

[The initial surprise wears off quickly. And it's barely a heartbeat before he's sagging into the contact, all but melting up against him. How long --]

[He leans into him. Kisses him back.]

[Grounding.]

[ it's like floating. or something, if erik had a word of poetry in his heart. he could sing, recite and had the best of knowledge in his head, graduating from top schools. maybe it's the taste of wine on his lips, which erik uses his tongue to chase after the taste or the fact for the first time in his life, he chose something that had nothing to do with his goals, his endgame. maybe it won't last. nothing erik has ever touched in his life has lasted. not his parents, not his friends. not even the scent of a heaven he saw once in a country full of beauty. maybe that was the truth he was avoiding all along.

wakanda's heaven kicked him out and now he's here. chasing after the taste. ]

[He can’t get the thoughts out of his head. How good it feels just to be wanted. Just to be sought after in something so very human as this. When he’d burned the last tether keeping his feet on the ground — how much do I matter to you? wasn’t enough anymore — saw the lights in the sky so far away from the earth... this all just burned up. The very idea of another human being wanting this of him has been out of his head ever since he felt Kerberos’ ice under his feet pulled away. When the whole world went sideways and he fell into freefall. When space turned dark. And humanity slipped away — take care of your father. his friend’s blood — through metal fingers.]

[There is something almost desperate in the way he leans into the affection. Craving it. Every movement, every breath. Maybe Eirk was right and there’s more to it than he thought moments ago. It feels like more than just a kiss.]

[It feels like another chance to be human.]

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