doesn't matter if i would or not i got someone killed if someone could turn back the clock so it never happened i don't got the right to complain about it
[He's not sure he would complain about it, honestly. Ever since that moment all he's wanted was to take it back. It's haunted him every night since, the moment the sky turned green with the strike of midnight. But either way, that's not the point, as far as he's concerned.]
[There's a hot anger that rises in Shinjiro's chest for an instant at the sarcasm, the kind that wants to scream you don't understand, but then ... maybe he does. Maybe he understands Amada's feelings better than Shinjiro ever could. The anger burns itself out fast, and he's left just...hollow. Tired.
There's no response for almost half an hour.]
he was going to kill himself after he'd killed me that was his plan for his future
[Although it's text, there's almost an aura of misery that permeates every word.]
[ erik's walked the worst of them. he's not surprised ken came to such a conclusion. ]
You wanna fix shit. But I'm guessing you haven't really spoken to the kid whose shit you wanna fix. You don't know what he wants. You don't really know what he needs. You're picturing some rosy ending where all is well.
This kid ain't got no agency. Doesn't matter how bad you feel about him, hell how much you care. You've made him your albatross and turned him into your guilt. And if just the idea of that pisses me off, I can't think he'd be thrilled.
you're wrong we lived under the same roof for a month i know he spent the last two years hunting me down because no one would believe it wasn't a drunk driver who killed her i know he planned to kill me on the anniversary, at the same spot she died even came out there for him when he asked
...it didn't go that way, obviously
[Erik can probably tell Shinjiro wouldn't be here if he'd felt he'd gotten his just desserts at the hand of the one he'd wronged.]
i wanna think he didn't off himself as soon as i was in the ground, but i don't know i ain't even supposed to be alive but i somehow got this one chance to make shit right what else am i supposed to do?
[ so shinji knows more. though if he knew that much, why all the waffling? kid asked for justice, not for a do-over. though maybe the kid has changed his mind. it happens. ]
Can't really tell you what to do and what you shouldn't. There's no way to check with him anyway. But there's never going to be a perfect answer or a perfect redemption where it's all fixed. No power can do that.
[Ken had changed his mind the moment he realized Shinjiro was already dying, that murder would be taking nothing away from him. It makes sense, given the cover-up. Ken had likely assumed that Shinjiro was living without regret or consequence while he was left alone to suffer. But it doesn't change the complicated circumstances under which things had ended, or the fact that he's been resurrected either by this mysterious Orb itself or the people connected with it, and that he doesn't know what else to do with this life but fix his last remaining regret.]
i ain't lookin for redemption don't think that's real anyway
[But what does he want, then? Maybe just to die in peace, an ending that's already been taken from him once.]
i didn't ask for any of this
[But now that he is alive, the guilt is too powerful to simply do nothing. If only it could be so easy.]
yeah i guess hard to think straight while you're dyin though honestly kinda thought it was some sorta hallucination at the time
[Some shadowy final dream about getting to resolve his regrets before death? sounds like the type of bullshit you see in the movies, anyway. He doesn't even remember what he said.]
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i got someone killed
if someone could turn back the clock so it never happened i don't got the right to complain about it
[He's not sure he would complain about it, honestly. Ever since that moment all he's wanted was to take it back. It's haunted him every night since, the moment the sky turned green with the strike of midnight. But either way, that's not the point, as far as he's concerned.]
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Then by all means, play god in this kid's life. That'll never backfire on him or you. You've clearly given this a lot of thought.
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There's no response for almost half an hour.]
he was going to kill himself after he'd killed me
that was his plan for his future
[Although it's text, there's almost an aura of misery that permeates every word.]
how's it get worse for him than that?
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[ erik's walked the worst of them. he's not surprised ken came to such a conclusion. ]
You wanna fix shit. But I'm guessing you haven't really spoken to the kid whose shit you wanna fix. You don't know what he wants. You don't really know what he needs. You're picturing some rosy ending where all is well.
This kid ain't got no agency. Doesn't matter how bad you feel about him, hell how much you care. You've made him your albatross and turned him into your guilt. And if just the idea of that pisses me off, I can't think he'd be thrilled.
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we lived under the same roof for a month
i know he spent the last two years hunting me down because no one would believe it wasn't a drunk driver who killed her
i know he planned to kill me on the anniversary, at the same spot she died
even came out there for him when he asked
...it didn't go that way, obviously
[Erik can probably tell Shinjiro wouldn't be here if he'd felt he'd gotten his just desserts at the hand of the one he'd wronged.]
i wanna think he didn't off himself as soon as i was in the ground, but i don't know
i ain't even supposed to be alive
but i somehow got this one chance to make shit right
what else am i supposed to do?
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Can't really tell you what to do and what you shouldn't. There's no way to check with him anyway. But there's never going to be a perfect answer or a perfect redemption where it's all fixed. No power can do that.
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i ain't lookin for redemption
don't think that's real anyway
[But what does he want, then? Maybe just to die in peace, an ending that's already been taken from him once.]
i didn't ask for any of this
[But now that he is alive, the guilt is too powerful to simply do nothing. If only it could be so easy.]
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[ they do ask. even erik has enough sense to admit that much. ]
You just didn't think it through.
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hard to think straight while you're dyin though
honestly kinda thought it was some sorta hallucination at the time
[Some shadowy final dream about getting to resolve his regrets before death? sounds like the type of bullshit you see in the movies, anyway. He doesn't even remember what he said.]
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Guess you got to figure out your next steps.
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i dunno, might just be fucked
askin you advice was about all i got for ideas
[Unfortunately he is getting the Vibe that he's exhausted whatever answers Erik has to give, at this point.]
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Maybe give yourself some time to process all of it.
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i guess
nobody else is getting any less dead, anyway
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